Slut Shaming, “Ashawo” Syndrome, Body Count, and Oda Tinz

“A slut is someone, usually a woman, who’s stepped outside of the very narrow lane that good girls are supposed to stay within. Sluts are loud. They’re messy. They don’t behave. In fact, the original definition of “slut” meant “untidy woman.” But since we live in a world that relies on women to be tidy in all ways, to be quiet and obedient and agreeable and available (but never aggressive), those of us who color outside of the lines get called sluts. And that word is meant to keep us in line.”

― Jaclyn Friedman

This useless popular saying reminds me of my childhood in Nigeria: “Women are supposed to be seen, not heard.” I have been away from Nigeria for close to seven years now, but I still watch and read everything Nigerian. This is what keeps my nigerianness alive. I often go on reading feats, reading Nigerian gossip and entertainment blogs. One of these blogs, bellanaija, particularly addresses controversial topics that stir intellectual conversations. This blog recently published an article about feminism: a Nigerian woman had shared an interesting story on twitter. While she was in a taxi, the man who sat next to her asked for her phone number. When she refused to give it to him, he proceeded to pay everyone else’s cab fare except for the girl’s. (In Nigeria, cabs usually carry four to six people. Hence, one passenger paying others' cab fare is an act of ultimate generosity).

I may be reading too much into this man’s actions, but I think he did that to “spite” the girl. Because he felt like he was entitled to her number, she needed to be taught a lesson.

These were my reactions to that story -- Really? Sad. He’s childish. He’s immature. What was he trying to achieve?

You wonder, perhaps, how this story ties into feminism. Well it does! Male entitlement is a feminism issue. Nigerian men especially feel like they are entitled to women reciprocating feelings of affection. Hence, some of these men don’t handle rejection well. It soils their ego. Why would anyone say no to me? The girl is not even all that! Why won’t she give me her number? Her shakara is too much. These are the same men who slut shame women and won’t hesitate to call women ashawos (prostitutes) when women date too many men.

I ask: What’s “too many?” Who defines dating normalcy? What number is too much? Three? Six? Ten?

Nico Lang says “there’s nothing in the world that unites people like hatred. This is why the internet exists.” I couldn’t agree more. Nigerians will especially mar with words as long as they know anonymity is guaranteed, sitting behind computers and chatting away like epileptic parrots (says Ngozi).

So, this is where I’m going. The reactions to the aforementioned article were even more agitating than the original twitter story. This particular comment infuriated me (paraphrased):

See what your dirty ego caused you. It’s not like you’re a virgin or something.

It’s not like she's a virgin. Really? So because she is not a virgin, she should start distributing her number to every cow, pig, and goat on the street? She should start accumulating “body count” so that you with your big head and pot belly can now come back and call her a slut?

On this body count issue, here is a hilarious video a friend sent me via whats app:

I couldn’t help but LOL. Infact, in Nigerian pidgin, LWKMD. Boy likes girl. Girl tells boy she has slept with 64 men and is now HIV positive. Boy takes off!

My Bible tells me, in 2 Corinthians 5:17-19 (NIV), that:

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.

Except for that HIV wahala (which could actually have been discussed), this self-proclaimed Christian brother should not have taken off. That move was cowardly. If you really love someone and claim that God spoke to you about that someone, you won't take off because of "body count." The girl in the video (I assume) is now saved. Old things have passed away. She is a new creature!

Ladies, know this: nobody should slut shame you or call you a prostitute because of the number of men you may or may not have slept with. Genuine repentance reconciles us to God. Your relationship with God is all that matters. God is the ultimate judge of character. Don’t live your life to please anyone or define yourself by what others say.

Maybe I am just an angry feminist. According to another reader of bellanaija, here’s another way to look at the twitter story: It is human nature to react to certain disappointments or rejection in certain ways. The fact that he acted that way towards her was his reaction to disappointment and not necessarily to belittle her gender or to “punish” her.

Let me know what y’all think o!!